Final Preparations...

Final prep...

The big moment today was handing over the films of the CT scan. I have held them since last Thursday, I knew that they were important and the minute we sat down with Proff David, it was "have you got the scans?"

It was the pre operation check that the cancer had not spread and that the operation was a green light... All go. Had the results been different the operation may have been cancelled. So all good, all systems go for Friday. The scan didn't pick up any secondaries and we are good to go.

The latest endoscope pics were also so very different from the first two sets. All is set.

Today was a one hour catch up, Proff had already answered all the massive questions leaving all of us - Sylvia, Gen, Suz and I - really comfortable and feeling we were as ready as we could be. 

Today was mostly a work day for me. I went along to the sales meeting, caught up with a number of the guys and basically made sure I had helped Sylvia as much as possible prior to really exiting the front lines of the business.

Dinner was with close friends we hadn't seen for ages, a family dinner with Greg and Loiuse Turner, Alex, Georgia and Lachie... Then called into see Mum. Really a matter of catching up with as many of my mates as possible without over doing it. 

I have decided to chill from tomorrow night and Thursday, so the blogs will be handed over to the girls soon... Maybe tomorrow.

Now the Turners requested more jokes, and so have a number of you, so it is time for me to deliver.

Here you go...

SOCIALISM 

You have 2 cows. 

You give one to your neighbour. 

COMMUNISM 

You have 2 cows 

The State takes both and gives you some milk. 

FASCISM 

You have 2 cows. 

The State takes both and sells you some milk. 

BUREAUCRATISM 

You have 2 cows. 

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM 

You have two cows. 

You sell one and buy a bull. 

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. 

You sell them and retire on the income. 

VENTURE CAPITALISM 

You have two cows. 

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. 

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. 

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. 

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died. 

A FRENCH CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. 

You decide to have lunch. 

A SWISS CORPORATION 

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. 

You charge the owners for storing them. 

A CHINESE CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 

You have 300 people milking them. 

You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. 

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 

You worship them. 

A BRITISH CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 

Both are mad. 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION 

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. 

You tell them that you have none. 

Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. 

You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 

Business seems pretty good. 

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION 

You have two cows. 

The one on the left looks very attractive. 

A GREEK CORPORATION 

You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. 

You eat both of them. 

The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. 

The IMF loans you two cows. 

You eat both of them. 

The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. 

You are out getting a haircut.

NEXT JOKE

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought

she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. 

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform

to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her,

and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.' 

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.  He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response. 

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?' 

Still no response. 

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' 

Again he gets no response. 

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' 

Again there is no response. 

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?' 

(I just love this) 

'For F*$@ sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

QUICKY JOKE

   A.  Did you know that the word "race car" spelled backward still spells "race car"?

B.  Did you know that "eat" is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"? 

ANOTHER JOKE...ALL THANKS TO LOOCH!!

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 

'Ladies  and Gentlemen, this  is  your Captain.  Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop  from  London  Heathrow to   Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a  smooth  uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and... OH, MY GOD!'   

    

Silence followed!  

Some moments later the Captain came  back on the intercom.   

'Ladies  and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I  scared you. While I  was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally  spilled  a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the  front of my  pants!'  

One  Irish passenger  yelled... 

'For f*#k's sake... You should see the back of mine!!!'    

AND MORE...

Two Irishmen sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. 

Seamus shakes his head and asks, "Why the hell do they do that?"

"Do what?" replies Mick.

"Go on them bikes for miles and miles, up and down the hills, round the bends. Day after day, week after week. 

No matter if it's icy, rainin’, snowin’, hailin’ . . . Why would they torture themselves like that?"

"It's all for the prestige and the money," says Mick. 

"You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros”.

"Yeah, I understand that." says Seamus, "But why do all the others do IT"