Killing Fields...the battle lines are drawn

"Ground Zero". Tomorrow is 3 weeks from my Ground Zero...8th May 2012.

Why? Because it reminds me of the huge impact on my life the events of that day. It is the first day of a new world for me, but unlike Bush, I see this as an opportunity to stand up and be counted, show leadership, make a difference to maybe someone's life, for the better. To learn, and to come out a better person for the experience is what is important.

Today the retaliation and the killing began. Targeted bad cells that reproduce fast and the combination of Chemo and Radio Therapy make the cancer cells most vulnerable and the battle plan is to kill many more bad cells than good ones.

As planned, I arrived at BH at 8.30 on the dot. Front desk admissions had me doing more forms, not too bad, and the phone was ringing from Jones and Partners Radiology wondering where I was. So short walk to their rooms attached to BH. Same smiling faces, actually a vendor of ours, (Arabella, you need to sell this for me mate)...she is gorgeous and this was about the 4th time now. Remember no more names!

So the PICC Catheter, how is this for an incredible guess. If anyone was running a book, the line in my vein is 42 cm!! That is the distance from my arm entry point to the top of my heart where the Chemo enters the blood stream. There are two grades, one high pressure, one low. I have the low pressure and it has a double adapter, can take two drips at a time, very smooth.

Anyway, didn't faint, was very brave actually. Got threatened that next time it would not be made as easy if Arabella doesn't sell that nurses block of land!

Awesome people. Doc Tony worked with the ultrasound and the X-Ray to find the best vein (ultra sound) marked it up with texta, they stuck in the numbing local, full on sterilizing exercise, gowns lead wraps and sterile drapes put every where...needle goes in, and then a wire line was inserted. This was traced with the x-Ray to end at the top of the heart. Wire taken out, Catheter trimmed as measure against the wire, then threaded in. Once checked for positioning, it was terminated, sealed up and job done.

So, I now have twin pipes direct into my heart, need some great red wine to go direct to my heart...or some love potion!

Walked (UNASSISTED thank you) back to Oncology unit. Sylv had found me by now as we were cutting it fine coming down from the farm so she dropped me at the BH door and then had to go to HQ to drop off Mia and all the Fresh Food we had purchased on Saturday at the Willunga Market.

There was so much detail to this, and you don't want to know it all but essentially I was calibrated for my weight, then fed all sorts of stuff including lots of fluids. The stand out were the anti-nausea tablets...3 tablets, $140. Then the steriods, was a case of here take these, and you may struggle sleeping tonight, (im thinking so whats new)! Finally the Chemo, took the obligatory pics, Sylv placed the nurses with tips from those old dentist ads where you could not see the faces, great pic Sylv, we will need to work out how to get it on the blog (help Kussy, Tanja, Gen??). Then more fluids and finally something to make me wee it all out.

Until I had wee'd more than 500 mills, plus had returned to my entry weight, I had to stay put, in my chair. Lot's of interesting people, really interesting! Had a few laughs. One person who must remain nameless, that Sylv and I knew from years ago, I just wanted to adopt her. She lost her husband to cancer, this was her second cancer, as in second part of the body, and UNRELATED. Two separate cancers. Unrelated! Her only daughter was interstate. She was such a beautiful person, so lovely and no one to go home to, no one to hug at a moments notice, and was wearing a wig...she looked seriously awesome. What a human being. Very motivating.

The day went quickly and we were gone by around 3.50pm. On the way out of BH we ran onto two family friends who were volunteers, small town. Day one and we are running into people we know every where. No doubt about it, even if we had gone to massive lengths to hide this cancer, there no way it was ever going to be kept a secret unless I took off interstate or overseas. This is home, this is where I need to be. Around you guys, around family friends and my work family.

After a quick stop at HQ, Sylv took me down to South Road Tennyson Centre (just off Anzac Highway, heading North).

Radio Therapy was impressive, the rooms were massive and very professional. Have my own cubby hole, my gown and all, extremely stylish, Debi would approve. Interesting, spotted someone's cubby whole whom I know very very well. So much for any chance of privacy.

Radiation is normaly quick. I have 25 sessions booked, every working day, 25 in a row. Remember I have been calibrated here as well. My pride and joy ink. A tincy wincy dot but it is everything when it comes to the radio therapy gig. This imk spot drives the exact positioning of the killing machine. The Doc has already calculated the exact way to get to the tumor in order to minimize damage to adjoining good organs and simultaneous optimize the cancer kill. It isn't as precise as the more exotic Proton Therapy (available only over seas) which is extremely accurate BUT, yeah BUT no one is totally sure that there are not surrounding cancer cells. The upshot is the little bit of spraying is not considerd all bad.

This machine from underneath looks like the Mother Ship in Star Wars. It was round and underneath it has all these cool moving parts. Red laser lines fill the dimly lit huge room and look like those security beams in those Jewellery Theft movies, criss crossing the room...and of course the spot that sits on my tatt. I reckon my hip is out of alignment, when I was exactly lying square on, it felt like I was more one side? Anyway, least of my concerns. It was really interesting, I know, I know, kid in a toy shop. I can assure you on my 25th visit with the pain that will be inflicted, my sentiment will be quite a different one.

There was a 10 minute delay today waiting to get the guns blazing, the file was downloaded from South Terrace, took ages from what they said...not the speed link that we expect at Toop&Toop, hey!!

Anyway, totally painless. Four 5 to 10 second bursts of killing radiation, hopefully smashing that Cancer. The four bursts were from 4 angles. This Mother Ship was impressive swinging around just like a flying space ship...nup, not going crazy yet, it was impressive, (of course we got some pics, how do we load these guys). Not a soul around, all safe away in the next room watching and hearing every murmur, every movement.

Basically all I had to do was to be lying dead still for 20 minutes with both hands above my head. Able to stay totally dressed my RMW Crock boots and all. Just stripped top off and gown on (to save nurses going crazy)!

Was pretty quick once the download was done. The set up around 10 minutes, zap only a few minutes, and gone.

The person in the waiting area with Sylvia was in trouble, very mixed emotions. This is a heavy scene, and so many in it. Really a great life experience to spend a day in the shoes of a cancer sufferer. Not sure you'd need more than that??

So how does it feel for a first timer, day one in the Killing Fields, in the trenches as the cancer battle commences?

Well I feel settled. Got through the instal of the PICC line, got through the big Chemo Hit, got through the first Radio Therapy, be carrying my personal bottle of Chemo, full with four days worth of continuous drip cell killer fluid. Knowing for four days around the clock it is doing its thing in the Killing Fields, yes as we speak.

I know that day one to maybe day 5 or 6 there can be a false sence of "what it is all the fuss about". I accept and am the first to acknowledge this is the honeymoon period. I have that very clear; it accumulates and bites you on the butt at a point, soon to be known, and it will be revolting. I get that.

BUT, I am taking this one day at a time, today it is a 10 out of 10 for me against expectations. I was shitting myself about the PICC line install and about that massive dose day one of the Chemo. I am very comfortable with my attitude. No blame. Living in the moment. Great support. Quality professionals.

The massive emotional hit from the weekend with the Front page Advertiser article after such apprehension turned out overwhelming positive. Thank you all, a big thank you.

On the Blog, my understanding is that this can not be found by Googling it. Some have been asking if it is fine to pass on the address. No drama providing of course the intentions are genuine, hopefully it will help someone else understand cancer a little better.

That's it for tonight, I am stuffed. Another big day tomorrow. Just watched Rachael on the Voice; I know Rachael, now there is a seriously motivational individual.

Good night.